I’ve gained 8 lbs.
and it shows.
and it disgusts me.
so I’m going back to yoga everyday.

Things that hurt…

  • Being unsure of how someone feels about you.
  • Feeling like they are mad at you.
  • Being misunderstood by people you care about.
  • Being judged by people you care about.
  • Feeling like you lost something that was never yours.
  • Feeling like you’re doing too much.
  • Thinking you aren’t doing enough.
  • Not knowing if you should say something.
  • Worried about what they’ll think if you do say it.
  • Feeling like you care more than they do.

I’ve deemed this your theme song.

never realized Kanye was still singing in the last 2 minutes of Runaway. I don’t know what I thought it was actually. but the words were never clear until now.

here’s how tonight’s gonna go

I’m going to stop drowning my sorrows in this gut inducing ice cream cake.
and continue to drown them in champagne.
and tell Ye how right he is as he spits this real.
really hoping to pass out after three songs.

I’m nowhere near over you.
I’m just sick of feeling this way.
I realize I put you before me,
and I can’t find a reason nowadays.

you’re my friend, my really good friend.
what used to be understood just isn’t anymore.

I’ll never find another you.

someone to accept me…
for all that I am and am not;
for all that I have been and who I aspire to be.
someone who sees everything…
everything that I showed;
everything that you discovered on your own.
someone who opened me up…
mentally
sexually
emotionally.

I enjoyed you.
your presence.
your mind.
your vibes.
your conversation.
your wit.
your smile.
your scent.
your touch.
your passion.
you, all of you.

but, I don’t need another you.
what would I do with another you?
let him in to be let down?
waste days wondering why I’m still not enough?
work for his attention while another girl gets it effortlessly?
wait for the day he wants me to himself?

even when you’re all I want,
I know you’re all that I don’t need.

I really thought it was safe to be this vulnerable in love. and I was wrong.
I thought he loved me in his own special way that was just as deep as I loved him. and as much as he can speak it, he can’t show it. and I can’t keep waiting for the day where it’s all alright again.

do your relationships fail because they’re not interesting enough?
or because you’re just way too much of an asshole to value what you’ve got?